Per my usual, it’s the end of the month which means it’s time for the monthly wellness roundup post. If you’re not familiar, every Wednesday of each month I write a wellness/wellbeing post that’s centered around self-development and motivation. I also focus on a specific topic for the month. Last month’s topic was Change. For this month my topic was centered around Healing I thought it would be a great idea to do a round up post at the end of the month which entails me providing the highlights from the topics I wrote about each week for that particular month. Consider it a one stop shop if you will, for those who may have missed a Wednesday post, or if you need a refresher or a boost to help you get through.
For the month of October I talked about the common mistakes we make when we are in the process of healing, steps we can take towards healing and why it’s hard for us to heal because the healing process requires a lot of unlearning.
The word healing has been thrown around a lot lately and it’s showing up in places where it’s not traditionally discussed; one example is the workplace. I hear it (or phrases like it) often; “heal from harm” “create a safe space” and “healing spaces.” But it’s not surprising, we take who we are everywhere we go, even in professional settings. While we may act professionally and hide our feelings; if they are hurt, we feel it and it affects us when someone causes harm. Being harmed has an impact on our behavior, especially if it happens repeatedly. Even though some of us may feel or think “we’re okay,” that harm is still affecting us and it may show up in unlikely ways.
LACK OF AWARENESS I just said it. There are a lot of us who are unaware that we are harmed because it’s so deeply engrained in who we are or it’s all we know. I think when this occurs, there’s a chance it may have started during our upbringing and trickled over into adulthood. When something becomes a large part of who we are, it can be difficult to heal from it. Some people who fall in this category will blame the victim instead of taking responsibility for their own actions.
WE FEAR VULNERABILITY this is the main one. A LOT of people fear being vulnerable. I think vulnerability is similar to being nude, because we don’t usually like to be naked in front of people, especially people we dont know. Vulnerability is beautiful but I know it can be hard.
Steps are a very structured process and usually when I’m in a situation that involves steps, I assume I can’t move forward until I complete the previous step (this is true in most cases). I sometimes feel confined when I have to follow such a strict set of rules but steps also bring forth order and alleviate chaos. When we solve problems using a steps system it helps to keep us on track (especially if something throws us off our journey), it helps to see progress, and it acts as a road map to help you see your end results.
STEP ONE: The Awareness–gaining awareness comes in many different forms but I think the most common is when people tell us things we don’t want to hear (especially if you hear it from multiple people). If more than one person is pointing out your issues, then you’re likely the common denominator. The challenge here is most of us don’t like it when someone points out behavior(s) that we prefer to keep in the dark.
STEP TWO: Determine the Root Cause–this might require therapy. Based on personal experience, some of (if not most or all) our problems stems from our childhood–the time in our lives when we are impressionable and vulnerable. The things that were said to us and the things we were exposed to, determine the treatment we accept from others and how we treat others.
Usually when these “mistakes” happen, we come down hard on ourselves and that’s a normal reaction. Accepting our mistakes as lessons and not failures is a mental practice process; meaning, it has to continue to occur so our minds can be trained to look at the benefits instead of the barriers. These mistakes may look different for everyone because we don’t all heal the same and the affects of what we went through affects us differently. What I mean is, the way you choose to deal with harm may not be the same as when I deal with harm.
WE GIVE UP BECAUSE IT’S TOO HARD “change takes time” should be the motto of my blog because I use this phrase often. Healing takes time and it’s not easy. I believe it was in last week’s blog when I said the process of healing requires undoing years of issues that we have grown to rely on as a crutch to get us through life.
WE THINK ACKNOWLEDGING THAT WE NEED HELP IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS the first thought that came to mind when I wrote that was those memes I see online that says “check on your strong friends, we are not okay.” Forgive me for saying this if you fall in this category but I really hate that meme because “strong” people are usually not willing to admit when they need help even though they clearly do (the meme is case and point of this). It’s not healthy nor was it meant for us to go through life doing everything on our own because no one is that strong.
Did any of these tips and ideas resonate with you?
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